How do I come up with my theme for the year?

At the beginning of 2018, I gave up any form of resolutions and made the decision that picking a theme for the year felt more appropriate for me.

At that point, I decided that 2018 was going to be the Year of Ultimate Alignment.

This came from a belief that there was a lot of internal work for me to do that year. My intention was to re-calibrate my internal compass and strengthen my trust in my own discernment and decision making. I deepened my yoga and meditation practices. I participated in some other-worldly "team building" activities. I spent a lot of time in nature. And I did my best throughout the year to checkin with my own internal guidance system before taking action.

Then there was 2019. Last year was the Year of Surrender.

Whether I truly wanted Surrender to be my theme for the year or not is hard to say. But it was very clear that's what was happening, and I went with it. I surrendered to Surrender being my theme for the year. I left my leadership position in a company I previously believed was an organization and the people I would work with for the rest of my life. I went through a hellacious experience with the people renting my home which became very costly financially, mentally, spiritually and emotional. And ultimately, I spent a lot more time listening, saying no and letting go than I did of actually accomplishing anything. Weirdest year of my life. But it also left room for me to fall in love with an incredible woman in a situation that most people could never understand. In a sense, we both were fully surrendered to what was possible against the odds, and it's been a beautiful adventure ever since.

That brings us to 2020. The start of a new decade.

There's so much pressure to pick the perfect theme for this new year after how on point the last two were. Actually, I'm just messing around. There's no pressure at all.

I'm sitting here with no theme at the moment, and I'm perfectly okay with that.

The beauty of these themes and the reason why they are a year long journey is that they take time to learn, develop and fully integrate. Allowing these themes the proper time that they need breathe and grow feels like putting on a new piece of armor. They become part of my identity and who I am.

And so, even though I don't have a theme for this year on January 4th (gasp!), I fully trust that the theme will reveal itself soon.

Thanks to my Alignment armor I am certain that I will be able to find the exact right theme and say no to everything else. And thanks to my Surrender armor, I don't feel the need or pressure to force something to hit some arbitrary deadline or outcome.

I know that this year's theme will come from me listening deeply, being observant to what life is showing me and rejecting any good themes to leave space for the perfect one to walk into my life.

Why do I choose to make practice so difficult?

We're about to connect some really old threads that have been in my subconscious for decades. We're going down the rabbit hole on this one.

Why do I choose to practice in extreme conditions? Short answer: it's been programmed in me since childhood.

Childhood Practice Memory 1:

There's one season of the cartoon Dragon Ball Z, one of my favorite shows as a kid, where Goku has to travel far away and fight some aliens who are way more powerful than him. On his trip, he has a Gravity Machine that allows him to train in higher gravity levels than on earth. It breaks and goes up to 100x Earth's gravity. Goku goes from not being able to move to training in 100x gravity like he's walking on air which then allows him to put a whooping on the bad guys.

Childhood Practice Memory 2:

Over the holidays, we were teaching my 8 year old nephew how to bowl. I explained the way that my brother and I learned as kids. Our grandfather had taught us a certain step by step method and then made us repeat this process. Talk about training in a difficult environment. Our grandfather was a strict German man who not only owned the bowling alley but also was one of the best bowlers around, and he was watching our every move. I had to be younger than my nephew when we did this, and it stuck with me all these years.

Childhood Practice Memory 3:

I had just changed soccer teams. My old team won pretty much every game we played, won our league and won a few tournaments. My new team was not nearly as good. I was probably the best player on the team, and I wasn't all that great. At a practice midway through the season, my new teammates were goofing around, and my coach was laid back and laughing with the kids. I don't think our team had won a single game at that point, and I completely lost it. I yelled at my teammates, yelled at the coach, said some inappropriate words for a kid my age and then ran laps by myself for the rest of practice.

What do these 3 seemingly random memories about practice have in common?

These formed my own internal belief system about practice which only became apparent to me very recently.

Today, I choose to actively practice in situations way more difficult than anything I'll experience in real life, so that the real world operates in easy mode in comparison.

There's a few ways that this plays out for me. I never really made the connection as to why I did things this way until now, but it all makes sense from this new perspective.

In yoga, my favorite teacher is a woman in San Francisco who has the most notoriously difficult classes I've ever encountered. I didn't realize this when I showed up to her class the first time for what would be the third ever yoga class of my life. She warned us that it was going to be an advanced class and instead of rolling up my mat and leaving, I vowed to myself that I would not let this woman break me. Over 100 of her classes later, I have not given up in her class yet, and she has pushed me further than I ever could have imagined.

I do breathing exercises in the sauna and steam room with the extreme heat and humidity. I meditate in loud gyms and on the subway. I read books that are way above my comprehension level.

I don't get mad at myself when I struggle in these situations. It's practice. We're talking about practice. The opposite normally occurs. I'm grateful for failing in these situations, because I now know my current breaking point and have a new baseline to surpass next time.

It's important to keep in mind that this only applies to practice. Don't drink and drive so you're a better driver sober. Don't pick a fight with your boss or significant other just to improve your arguing skills. Common sense helps here people.

One of the keys to having a growth-focused mindset is to always be looking for opportunties to improve. An easy way to accomplish this is to see how you react when the switch gets ratcheted up 100x and you can't get up off the floor. It also shows incredible inner dialogue when you are in an unwinnable situation.

If we want to get exponentially better at the things that matter most to us, practice harder.

How do I respond?

Today is the day when most people's New Year's Resolutions kick in. Enjoy the holiday on the first. Start on the second.

And inevitably, there will be people who break their resolutions today or tomorrow or next week or next month. Whenever. Doesn't matter. It happens.

Some people say that resolutions are bullshit, and instead create goals for the year or a vision board or roadmap. Some people want to cultivate lifestyle changes. Call it what you want. For this conversation, let's just say that there's something that wants to be accomplished.

I know this goes against positive psychology and doesn't look pretty in fancy type on instagram, but it has served me well in the past:

Fail in advance.

Allow yourself to fail, even if it's only in your mind, so you can take a look at how you respond. That's where the juicy stuff is.

If and when you don't stick to your resolution every single day for 365 days, what do you do the next day? Do you give up? Oh well, nice try, maybe next year lol. Or do you get right back on the wagon? Or do you double down the next day to make up for it?

This comes from one of my favorite leadership lessons.

A leader has already thought about all possible outcomes in advance so that they aren't taken by surprise and can act accordingly. The best leaders are the ones who always seem in control no matter what chaos my arise, and a cheat code for this is to experience all of the feelings and emotions around each possible situation in advance. It's not easy or for the faint-hearted, but is a gamechanger.

There's also another nice bonus to failing in advance.

It gives you permission to not have to be perfect.

The need to be perfect adds a whole lot of pressure. Yes, some people actively seek that pressure and perform better that way, so if that's you, proceed as you were. For the rest of us, we've got enough other things happening in life that adding this desire to be perfect just complicates things further.

So what if you caved and ate a chocolate bar one night or you missed a day of meditation? Life doesn't end there. Know in advance what you'll do after this happens and you can respond accordingly.

Where do I begin?

With today being the first day of a new decade, it felt appropriate to write about some of the feelings that come up at the beginnings.

I have started more companies in my life than I ever imagined. I've spent time on additional products that I never even made it to the official company stage of life. And I'm right in the middle of starting something again.

And almost always there's been this question of "where do I even begin?"

There's so much to build, read, write, create, explore, learn, grow, and do that it can feel overwhelming. I've found this simple formula that has served me well, and I'm writing about it now as a reminder.

In solving any complex problem or building anything signficant, I've found it's best to look for the building blocks to unlock the next level.

Break down the situation into the significant and major accomplishments that make the rest of the game easier. Level up each step of the way to accomplish bigger and better things.

Here's a quick real life example of this.

When we started NY Tech Day, neither myself nor my partner had any connections in the NYC tech community. We didn't have an audience to jump start this. We were literally started from scratch with a powerful idea and a lot of skeptics.

I knew to hit the massive numbers we were promoting and expecting, we needed to up level quickly. I started by getting two prominent startups to agree to attend as featured startups. It took a list of 50 dream startups to get there: 48 no's to get to 2 yes's. With those two on board, we were able to get some initial press. Now with 2 featured startups and a few press articles, we were able to attract investor interest. Then the attendees started flowing. Then the sponsorship sales became easier. And finally the rest of the startups jumped on board. None of that could have been done without executing at each level of the game. Building blocks.

All told, we ended up with 200 startup exhibitors, 4000 attendees and over 10 high dollar sponsors for a first year event in a brand new market.

As I sit here at the beginning of this new year and with this new venture contemplating where to start, I'm reminded of the simple and powerful answer.

Start on Day 1. Level 1. Figure out the skills required to complete this level and move on to the next.

What changed?

Something feels incredibly different.

It felt like it hit me all at once yesterday, but I know it's something that has been gradually building for a long time.

It's hard to describe exactly what I'm feeling or what it all means, but something has definitely changed.

I guess I had secretly hoped for some monumental moment. Expectations for a blockbuster Hollywood-style reveal or lightbulb shining, epiphany experience have largely gone unfulfilled.

There was so much anticipation, and here we are. With no fanfare. No red carpets. No apocalyptic, paradigm shifting world event.

And yet to me, it feels like everything has changed.

I will write more about this as more clarity drops in, but in this moment I can only offer a totally cliche explanation that feels like: Now is the time!