Can I practice even when everything sucks?

It’s easy to commit to a practice when things are going well.

The times I fail is when shit gets messy: being under-resourced, angry, sad, upset, distracted, bored, exhausted.

Practicing, building new habits and making change when it’s hard is the real jam. How do we show up when it’s tough?

I’m writing this morning’s Thought even though my mind is distracted. Even though my ideas are jumbled and not as clear as yesterday. Wake up, write post. That’s my practice. Everything else is just noise until this is done.

The single most important change I’ve made in my relationship to practice is to triple down when things are not great. I have compassion for myself and not wanting to lean in, and I tap into my resiliency knowing that this too is just a passing phase.

Maybe tomorrow it’ll be easy again and my thoughts won’t feel so forced. Maybe not. Regardless, I’ll still be here putting in the work.

Why is empathy so mischievous?

I used to believe that I was highly skilled in empathy. I was delusional.

I have always been a great listener which allows people to feel safe with me. I could cognitively understand how a person might feel and even be able to reflect that back to them in a way that they could feel seen. People really value this and it’s rare these days, but this is still surface level empathy.

The next level of empathy is to fully understand and share the feelings of another person on an emotional level. Truly take on their perspective as if it were your own.

I never felt safe enough for this. If I didn’t like their worldview or what they were feeling or experiencing, I could connect with them, but I’d keep them at a distance. If their beliefs conflicted with mine, I’d listen to them but then pretty quickly dismiss those beliefs. I didn’t want to drink what they were drinking and as a result was never able to fully connect.

This deeper level of empathy is tough. It’s vulnerable. It’s nuanced. It challenges our own beliefs. It requires us to be fully present with ourselves and another. And it demands emotional courage.

I wasn’t ready for this before, but this is my journey now.

Is it becoming more difficult to focus?

We have enough evidence to clearly and unequivocally say that we are more distracted as a society than ever before.

Unlimited streaming options, swiping options, social platforms, content creators, influencers, video games, educational content, workout videos, cooking videos, blogs, microblogs, doomscrolling, polarization, notifications about notifications, environmental catastrophes, economic crisis de jour. You name it, we’ve got it. And we’ve got it way more intense than ever before.

More distractions leads to increasing difficulty to focus.

But.

We have better tools than ever to build our focus muscle.

And therein lies the choice. There is no neutral when it comes to our ability to focus. Facebook and Netflix have armies of engineers hacking your brain. Your entropy is their gain.

If I accept that society is engaging in an all out battle for my attention, focus is rapidly becoming a super power and a game that I am committed to winning.

What is my relationship to time?

The combination of the new year and recently turning 40 has guided my mind to wander to many fascinating places.

Leaving aside the philosophical debates about time being a fundamental aspect of the universe vs. a human construct without an objective reality, I’ve been most curious with my personal relationship and beliefs around time.

In the past, I have blamed “time” for things that did not live up to my expectations instead of taking responsibility for my actions. All of these have been there for me at some point:

• “There wasn’t enough time to get it all done”

• “I need more hours in the day”

• “I wish we had more time together”

• “Time is working against me”

Every one of those statements was me being a victim of time. While time may be a constraint or a consideration, it was never the root cause. Perhaps prioritization, planning, executing, motivation, organization, or procrastination, but not the fault of time. Time just does its thing and is (relatively, probably) constant for all of us.

My intention is to hold time as precious and sacred, and if I really go deep, as the most beautiful aspect of the human existence. Not a scapegoat for my shortcomings.

I have all the time I need. I am a master allocator of my time. And I choose moment to moment how to best utilize the time that I have.

What if I already broke my commitments for the New Year?

With 100% certainty, I know that there are people who broke their New Year’s resolutions already this year. Day 2 and done. Oh well, maybe next year.

I know because I have been one of those folks.

It was perfection or nothing.

“I already blew it. I’ll start next year, or next month, or next week, later, tomorrow.” A constant cycle of breaking integrity with myself, justifying and waiting for a fresh start.

Yesterday, I had one of the worst headaches of my life out of nowhere. Perhaps a somatic reminder of when I used to drink and be hung over all day New Years. My New Year’s Day plans went out the window.

Instead of waiting until next year and letting my perfectionist derail everything, I just let it go. This is a journey, I’m not perfect and today is a new day.