Why did I stop messing with the dark side of the force?

I vividly remember the moment when I discovered that force was no longer the best answer for me.

I spent most of my career trying to force things that weren’t meant to be.

• I forced my way into becoming a financial advisor — didn’t last a year
• I forced a very bad startup idea into development — didn’t last a month
• I forced a partnership and some bad projects and hires — didn’t make it to Year 3
• I forced my way into TechStars — only lasted half of the program
• I forced myself into a vaguely defined leadership position — almost made it 2 years

Don't get me wrong. I accomplished a lot along the way, built some incredible things, and learned a lifetime worth of lessons. Forcing things served me well.

It was a bias towards action and execution, and it was what was called for at the time. Getting shit done. Taking risks. Forcing things into existence. Confidence that I could deal with anything that would come up.

One day, I realized that forcing things wasn’t the way for me anymore.

I know the exact moment. I was in a leadership immersion with some of my favorite entrepreneurs when it hit me like a ton of bricks. I was contemplating some big moves for my company at the time when this scene came to mind.

“I was standing in front of a brick wall trying to figure out what to do next. I knew I had to get through the wall. This obstacle was in my way. As I had done so many times in the past, I geared up and was ready to punch and kick my way through this wall. Whatever it takes.

Just as I was about to force my way through the wall, out of the corner of my eye, I saw it. There was a door. Twenty feet away. A glorious door that would simply open for me so I could gracefully walk through.”

That’s where I’m at today. No longer does it serve me to force my way through brick wall after brick wall.

Something very big has been coming through around what’s next.

There’s a part of me that wants to put on the karate uniform and force it. Roll up the sleeves, kick down the walls, whatever it takes. I know that’s not the answer. So I’m listening. I’m exploring. I’m remaining curious and open. I’m asking questions. I’m experimenting. I’m iterating. And I’ve never felt more aligned and excited for what’s on the horizon.

I won’t force things. I don’t have to. And that feels amazing.

Of course there will come times where walls will need to be torn down, and I’m forever grateful to have that skillset in my tool belt. For now though, it’s doors over walls.